5 Questions You Should Never Ask (because you are better than that).

1. What do you do? – Whilst seemingly the most innocuous question of all there is merit in not making this the first question you ask. In fact The Minimalists go so far as to label this as ‘life’s most dangerous question’ reminding us that the ‘majority of the answers are boring’ – do you really care if they are ‘director of operations’ or ‘regional manager’ or ‘the senior vice president of Who-Gives-a-Shit.’ If we are really honest a lot of the time this is really a fact gathering question. A question hiding under a question, pretending to be interested in the surface answer. Beneath the cheap veneer what we are actually asking is ‘How much money do you make? What is your socioeconomic status? And based on that status, where do I fall on the socioeconomic ladder compared to you? Am I a rung above you? Below you? How should I judge you? Are you worth my time?’ The Minimalists advise we change the question (and our answer when asked) to ‘What are you passionate about?’ – that way we are more likely to hear about their love of kite surfing or passion for poetry than about how they spend their 9 to 5.
2. Literally anything about your weight – Do I look fat? Does this dress make me look fat? Can you tell I have put on some weight?Most of the time the answer is going to be no (because its not a real question – it’s just a need for reassurance wrapped up as a question) and if the answer is ‘Yes’ (What? Are you a total idiot!) then that won’t end well either. You have been warned.
3. How much is your rent? How much do you earn? How much did it cost? – Do you really want to know how much? None-of-your-goddamned-business. That much. The people who want you to know how much or how little they earn or they spent will tell you – no questions required. The rest of us will be left limply offering something vague like, ‘More than we’d hoped’ or ‘Enough to keep the wolves from the door’. Interesting fun fact – if you google ‘How much does it cost to keep the wolves from the door?’ there is no definitive answer but you will learn that the good people of Wisconsin, due to an increasing lupine population, are having issues actually keeping the wolves from the door.
4. Do you love me? – There only a handful of reasons you might be feeling the need to ask this and all of them are slathered in insecurity. This is less about them and more about you. Maybe you are feeling jealous (do you love her?) or needy (do you love me? how much do you love me?) or just hoping for a premature declaration (if they haven’t told you yet that they love you – sorry to say – but they probably don’t). A ‘Yes’ to this question is rarely the salve you are hoping for – validation that is only given when asked is the discounted version for sure.
5. ‘What Are You Thinking About?’ – Oh, you know honey – I was just thinking about the economic impact of the US sanctions against Russia. Right around the time I stopped reflecting on the imminent threat of global warming. Errrr – Not even close. We are most likely thinking about something stupid, like – I wonder if Reece Witherspoon and I would be friends because our kids are the exact same age. Or something boring, like – I must remember to get a leg wax and take those sausages out of the freezer. Or about nothing at all (which is possible – except when you are trying to meditate – obviously). Bottom line? What are you thinking about? Not-about-you (probably) or if they are thinking about you, 96% of the time it won’t be ‘just thinking how awesome you are and what a lucky individual I am to share my life with you. Yay for us!’

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who does not claim to have all the answers. And who, in fact, often can’t even remember what the question was to begin with.

PHOTO SOURCE: Twenty Questions 1954 – UNDER CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE