Why Your Smart Phone is Ruining Your Life

In my house, at least once a day, someone completely freaks out because they have LOST-THEIR-MOBILE-PHONE! You can smell the sheer panic as 2 minutes become 3. Where the hell is it? I don’t understand. I literally just had it here. In my hand. And now it’s GONE! Against the backdrop of escalating panic, the other members of the house try to help, limply lifting up cushions or glancing gormlessly across the room. ‘Can somebody please, for the love of God, call my phone!’ And then we find it. Usually, pretty much right where they are sitting, underneath a jacket or slipped between a sofa crevice. Crisis averted. Relief all around. Now at least everyone can go back to happily tapping in silence.

I am not here to lecture you. I get it. I love my phone. Truth is, it’s smarter than all of my friends, less annoying than my husband and cheaper to run than my kids. Like a lover, its often the first thing I turn to in the morning and last thing I turn to at night. It can sometimes be found tucked beneath my pillow, no doubt slowly killing me or inches from my face, continuing to play episode after episode of the show that sent me to sleep. My husband is no better. Scratch that – he is worse. He is legit having a full blown affair with his phone – Up at 2am, 3am, 5am checking his emails, huddled under that glowing blue light. That blue light that those sneaky bastards at Apple must know turns off melatonin production and tells our brain it isn’t time to sleep. The internet never sleeps – wake up, wake up – wherever you are! Which in turn wakes me up. Makes me grumpier the next day – especially when, WTAF! – how can this be happening again ?- I literally just had it. In my hand. And now it’s GONE!

Most of us have watched, liked or shared a video, something like ‘I Forgot My Phone’ that is a moody reminder that we should spend more time looking at our friends faces. Or actually eating our avocado toast . Watching that concert for real and generally soaking in all the daisy covered nature that surrounds us. Its so true! Mobile phones are ruining our lives. I am cutting back for sure. Well – for at least 20 minutes, until a beep, boing or whoosh alerts me to the fact that someone wants, needs or likes me. Or to tell me I have a MetCon class in the morning.

But I am trying.

I wait a whole 10 minutes after my yoga class before I let the world pile in on my Namaste. I leave my phone in the car when I walk my dog. It’s turned on silent as we speak, whilst I finish writing this post. Which odds are, you will probably be reading on your mobile phone.

So, in the spirit of not lecturing (’cause kettle-oh-so-black my friend), here is some sad, scary and gross stuff that might remind you that your smart phone is, probably, ruining your life.

• The new iphone8 (which is basically like the 7, but just like totally new-er) has introduced facial recognition technology. It’s goodbye thumb and hello high resolution, 3D wizardy. Turns out this could be a real bummer for our privacy and security. If those hackers get their grubby hands on your biometric data you are in trouble. You can change a passcode but you can’t change your face.
• We are creating a whole batch of stupid words that are being recognised as an actual thing. Like ‘Ringxiety’ – sounds stupid but you have probably had it before. Ever thought your phone was ringing when it wasn’t? Bingo. Phubbing (snubbing someone by ignoring them with your phone) is pretty standard procedure in cafes and restaurants the world over and Nomophobia (no-mobile-phobia- obviously) is the dictionary recognised ‘fear of being without access to a working cell phone’.
• Studies have shown that just being in close proximity to your phone makes people less productive, excessive use causes depression and anxiety and men who carry them in their front pockets could essentially be ‘cooking’ their sperm.
• Research has revealed that our mobile devices are a veritable hot-bed of germs. Our hygenic friends at the Univeristy of London tested 390 cellphones and found 92% tested positive for bacteria and an eye-watering 16% were housing E. Coli. Facebook with a side order of faecal matter – Nice. Btw – What is it with blokes taking their ipads with them to the bathroom?
• The constant use of our phones is causing digital eye-strain and countless back and neck issues, not to mention boring our friends half to death with photos of our children or post holiday throwbacks.
• They are making us stupid, making us forget how to do stuff ourselves, wasting our cognitive functioning with mindless shit we don’t need to know and keeping us awake at night.

I don’t need a study to tell me that my smart phone is bad news. Like a rather unpleasant fart, I can smell it. Silent but deadly. Seeping it’s way into our homes, making our relationships worse, putting our children in danger and if not literally killing us, definitely chipping away at our brain cells one angry bird at a time. These phones are the future and soon we are not going to be able to move, think or pay without them. I don’t have the answer. I only have those 10 minutes between the time in takes to get from my yoga class to my locker. But I am trying.

Are You?

This Get Healthier post is brought to you by somebody who has been known to text her kids. From upstairs.