WHOOPS! A Quick Lesson in Fixing Your F*ck-Ups.

Shit Happens. And sometimes it’s your fault. Maybe you stuffed up at work, put your foot in it with a friend, broke someone’s phone or much worse their heart. To err is indeed human and we will all fall flat on our face at some point in the proceedings. The key thing to remember is that regardless of how many stairs you tumble down, it is the next step after your fall that will matter the most.

First Up – Apologise. A genuine apology is an acknowledgement of regret (‘I am very sorry that I hurt you’). It is best backed up with an admission of responsibility (‘It was mean/unfair of me to treat you that way’), devoid of any excuses or justifications (no ‘I’m sorry, but’…) and wrapped up with an offer of repair (‘please let me replace that for you’), or a sincere undertaking to not make the same mistake again, (‘I will do everything I can to ensure this never happens again’).

Be Mindful of Your Audience: Who you are apologising to, matters as much as what you are apologising for. Strangers and acquaintances want an apology and some form of compensation – ‘please let me fix/dry clean that for you.’ Work colleagues and superiors want reassurance and solutions ‘I have done X to ensure this won’t happen again and I have contacted Y to ensure the issue is resolved’. Friends and Partners want empathy and understanding, ‘I understand how awful that must have made you feel and I really hate that I upset you in any way.’ Generally, the more the person cares about you, the longer they will take to forgive you.

Improve Your Chances for Forgiveness – Sometimes it matters less what you say, and far more what the other person hears. For faster results you can benefit from the research that advises – ‘Don’t apologise for what you did – apologise for what they think you did’. Timing is important and should be gauged according to the severity and wrath your action has evoked. For small to medium f*ck ups, step right up and admit the error of your ways asap. More significant wrong doings may benefit from some time apart – an apology will be better heard once the blood has stopped ringing in their ears. Actions speak louder than words, so after all the words are said and done ensure they are backed up by a stellar effort to do better. And just because you have said you’re sorry, it doesn’t mean you are entitled to a reciprocal apology or even for your apology to be accepted at all. Forgiveness is a gift, it is something that can be offered, but is best not asked for or assumed.

Sorry. Not Sorry. Occasionally an apology may be expected from us that we find harder to deliver. Etiquette expert, Diana Mather, says the secret lies in finding something you really are sorry about, even if you don’t feel your actions are worthy of blame. “If you have offended or hurt somebody, you should feel sorry about that, even if you’re not sorry about what actually happened.”

Don’t Feel Quite So Bad – When we find ourselves knee-deep in crap, it can be hard to remember how sweet life smelt before. Sometimes our emotional response can be disproportionate to the blunder at hand – relaying the drama to a good friend can often help you re-gain perspective. Running a worse case scenario (‘Whats the worst that could happen?) or reassuring yourself that it could be worse (and believe me – it can always be worse) might help bring your heart rate back down. And the actual act of apologising, as well as reducing blood pressure and anxiety, helps separate you from the behaviour – so, you may have done something bad, but it does not mean you are inherently a bad person.

Unless of course, you actually did it on purpose 😉

This Get Happier Post is brought to you by someone who never makes the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.

Photo Credit: Pixabay – Alexas_Fotos