Four Questions You Should (Probably) Ask

Every day we ask ourselves hundreds of questions.

What shall I wear? What should I eat? Should I really have eaten that? Where are my keys? Is he ever going to reply to my text? Should I buy that? Can I even afford it? Seriously – where the f*ck did I leave my keys?

Tony Robbins, the world’s most famous performance coach, has been known to proclaim that, ‘quality questions create a quality life’ so, if yours are splashing around in the pools of mediocrity, maybe it’s time to start asking better ones.

What do I REALLY want to do with the rest of my life?

We might as well start with a biggie. Will Macaskill, author and associate professor of philosophy at Lucon College, is keen to emphasize – ‘you have 80,000 working hours in the course of your life. It’s incredibly important to work out how best to spend them.’ – To illustrate this point he says, ‘if you’re going for dinner, it’s going to take you a couple of hours. You spend 5 minutes working out where to go for dinner. It seems reasonable to spend 5% of your time on how to spend the remaining 95%. If you did that with your career, that would be 4,000 hours, or 2 working years.’ I am 45 years old and I ask myself this question the whole time. We really are the masters of our own destiny – which can sound a bit scary and exhausting but is ultimately a gift. Not sure where to start? TRY THIS -yes, it’s long but then so is your life…..

Is it a Dream or is it a GOAL? 

This one I nicked from Paul Levesque (14-time WWE world champion) who nicked it from Evander Holyfield’s coach….but it is a valid question. Is that a dream, or is it a goal? – Because ‘a dream is something you fantasize about that will probably never happen. A goal is something you set a plan for, work toward and achieve.’ I might dream about being married to Ryan Reynolds, but unless I really break it down (get divorced, move to LA, find some dirt on Blake Lively etc) and focus extra hard, that sh*t is never gonna happen.

What’s the WORST that could happen? 

A lot of us are scared sh*tless to try new stuff. In fact, Tim Ferris, who writes a lot about fear setting says, ‘Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. How sad it that? So, we don’t leave our crappy job or our below average relationship. We never actually move overseas or try out that great idea for a book, a business or a TV show – because, you know – it might not work, we might get lonely, we could end up looking stupid and having to admit defeat. So, we never even try. Playing around with worst case scenarios can be a good way of building up to stuff. Seriously – What’s the worst that could happen? Sure, you might let down your parents (who really like your ‘proper job’), you might end up regretting it (but never knowing can feel the same), you might not have as much money or security (is this OK if you are doing something you love?) – whatever it is, ask yourself, is it really that bad? And in the spirit of equality, you might also ask yourself, ‘What’s the best thing that could happen?’ Then use the math to help you decide.

Could it be that everything is FINE and COMPLETE as it is?

What?! Are you seriously asking me to consider if my life is already OK, or even pretty great? Yup – in fact Mr. Ferriss (it’s all him this week*), lists this question as one that changed his life. It refers to simple daily appreciation and all that gratitude stuff everyone raves so hard about…‘for anything approaching happiness, you have to want what you already have.’ If the idea of journaling or creating a grateful list before bed doesn’t float your boat, you could try The Jar of Awesome (which Tim admits his younger self would have vomited at). Basically, get a jar and anytime anything really cool happens, write it down, fold it up and pop it in the jar. We always think we will remember the good stuff, but when we get anxious and confused, and stressed out and scared, it can be good to remind ourselves that good stuff does happen – even to us. ‘Cultivate the habit of putting something in every day. Can’t think of anything? “I didn’t die today!” is a reliable winner. That’s totally awesome compared to the alternative. Look for the good, practice finding the good, and you’ll see it more often.’

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone whose goal for 2019 is to accomplish the goals of 2018, which I should have done in 2017, because I made a promise in 2016 that this year would be different.

*All this week’s goodness comes from the rather excellent Tools of Titans book – read it and feel smarter almost immediately.