How To Get People To Do (Almost) Anything.

There is a fine line between manipulation and charm. The former can be twisty and devious, whilst the latter is a definite value-add. This week I just want your life to be BETTER. So let’s split the difference and look at how you can ‘charmipulate’ your way to getting people to do exactly want you want them to.

ASK THEM: If you ask someone nicely, ‘Would you mind doing x for me? – if they are over 18, most of the time they actually will. It works even better if you come from a place of vulnerability and ask for their help. ‘I have been having a bit of trouble with my work load/ website/tax return. I was wondering if you might have some advice for me?’ People love showing off their mastery, so will usually offer free advice or even their services because you have created the illusion they are ‘offering’ their services and not being ‘requested’ to do so.

GIVE THEM A REASON: Our brains are terribly busy trying to process all the crap at hand, so to make things easier it has developed a series of short cuts. If we ask someone to do something, they are far more likely to oblige if we give them a reason. Case in point – a study done a few years back tested a persons success skipping the queue for the photocopier machine. Simply asking if they could (with no reason sited) resulted in 60% success rate. ‘May I skip the line because I am in a rush?’ resulted in 94% of people saying OK. Further tests revealed Any reason at all will do. ‘May I skip the line because I need to make copies?’ also worked for 93% of the crowd (that were presumably all queuing up for the-exact-same-reason). 

MAKE THEM FEEL ‘OBLIGED’: Deep down most of us are pretty nice and if someone does us a favor, we feel obliged to do the same in return. This Rule of Reciprocity explains why waiters will bring chocolates with the bill and gypsies give you a sprig of lavender before asking you for a wad of cash. Equally, the same principle applies if we are negotiating with someone. If they suggest a compromise or consession on their initial offer, we feel obliged to reciprocate. Both these can be useful in work place and love negotiations.

PLAY HARD TO GET: When it comes to designer sales or eligible men, the FOMO factor is alive and well. In psychological circles they refer to it as the ‘Scarcity Principle’, a term coined by Influence expert Dr. Robert Cialdini, who discovered that people value and desire something more when it is rare or difficult to obtain. It is why we all fall for that ‘only 3 seats left- limited offer-this weekend only’ sale-tastic nonsense. And it also explains why being available, keen and needy (the relationship trifecta!) makes most boys run for the hills.

GET THEM TO COMMIT: Getting a verbal (or written) commitment increases the chance of compliance. Stemming from our psychological need for ‘consistancy’ we like to follow through on our commitments, lest we end up feeling guilty. So, getting them to say ‘I will be there to collect you from the airport or ‘ I promise to act like less of a dick’ increases the likelyhood this will happen.

GIVE THEM A CHOICE: This principle works for toddlers and lazy partners alike. Instead of simply asking them to do something you want, like – eat their broccoli or take out the bins – offering them a choice garners a far better chance of success. ‘Do you want 3 pieces of broccoli or 5?’ or ‘Would you prefer to start peeling the potatoes or to take out the bins darling?’ Life is full of stuff we don’t want to do, but choice at least tricks us into thinking we are in control of the tedium.

ASK THEM IN PERSON: People find it much harder to say ‘no’ to someone’s face. So, if you need a favor from a friend or help with a project at work – ask them IRL (in real life –obvi!) A 2016 study found complete strangers were 34 x more likely to fill out a survey when asked in person as opposed to email. Baring in mind how freaked out some of you are by an actual phone call (when obviously a text would be way easier and less confronting), I appreciate face-to-face may simply be out the question 😉

And remember – all of the above works a lot better if they like you (so read this immediately if you need help in that department).

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who is a huge fan of delegating, but who often ends up saying, ‘No, not like that. Don’t Worry – I’ll do it!’