The Problem With Pleasure

There tends to be two types of people in this world.

The ‘Right’ people & the ‘Right NOW’ people.

The ‘Right’ people most of the time do …..the right thing. They skip dessert but never a workout, they get up early and know when to call it a night, they say ‘No’ to a second helping of roast potatoes and ‘Yes’ to sensible savings strategies.

The ‘Right NOW’ people have the same hopes and dreams as their ‘Right’ counterparts – they too want to be fit, successful and financially stable. But ‘Right NOW’ they also fancy a fag, can’t be arsed to work out, would far rather a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a back-to-back binge

In fact, it can often feel as if life is just one long struggle not to eat, drink, smoke, snort, spend or shag anything we are not meant to.

And sure, all these things might light up the pleasure receptors in your brain like a disco ball. BUT –The problem with pleasure is that it is a fast fix. A drunken band-aid that tastes good in all its short-lived glory, but does so to the detriment of the long-term happiness we truly seek. Because, it’s hard to be thin, rich and happy (goddamnit!) when we are scarfing donuts, maxing out our credit and choosing the numb/distracting path of least resistance.

So, what’s a pizza-loving, wine-guzzling, couch potato gonna do?

It’s time to start practicing the gentle art of delayed gratification, my friend.

Why? Because this trait is believed to be one of the most important characteristics for success in health, work, and life. Seriously – there are tests and everything.

Back in the 70’s Stanford did a study with kids and marshmallows (you’ve probably heard of it?) The kids were given a marshmallow and told if they didn’t eat it right away they would get rewarded with another one. Long story short – some of the kids ignored the deal and ate the marshmallow as soon as the researcher left the room and others held off. Over the years they did follow up studies and the kids who delayed their gratification ended up doing better in exams, having lower levels of substance abuse, better response to stress, lower likelihood of obesity and better social skills etc.

Thankfully, even if the 5-year old you (or the 25-year old/35-year old/ 65-year old you) would be firmly in the marshmallow right NOW corner, you can train your gratification to slow the f*ck down by making it a habit.

I have written lots of posts on building better habits (for the lazy and easily tempted) which you can read here and here, but one of the best places to start is from the very path of least resistance that many of us crave.

It’s all about friction, my friend.

When it comes to bad habits, you need to increase the friction between you and them. Problem is, in the ‘right now’ economy whatever it is you want – a ride, a dress, a burger – it is not only possible, it’s approaching shortly, offers same day delivery or is being biked over in a thermos box as we speak. To increase the friction you might need to delete some apps (Uber? Deliveroo?), unlink your credit card from your favorite sites or your laptop and not have the stuff you crave (Cadburys? Chardonnay?) within easy reaching distance. We are essentially a lazy bunch and every click, every barrier, every layer of hassle changes our behavior – for the better.

Same with the good habits. By decreasing the friction between us and them, we make the excuses not to do so that much harder. So, yes, lay out your work out clothes and meal prep some options. Arrange to do that thing with a friend who will keep you accountable. And, yes, hang out with those people who are less likely to lead you into temptation.

But, don’t panic – this is not about becoming some smug, boring, vanilla version of you. It’s just about shifting the dial – even if only slightly – from who you are now, to who you want to be in the future. And understanding that patience may be a virtue, but it is also kind of a super-hero.

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who wishes she was as thin as her patience 😉