How to Stay Home (without losing your sh*t) – Part 1

Stay. At. Home. I mean, c’mon – how hard can it be?

Work from home in my Pyjamas? I can do that. Watch an obscene amount of TV for days on end? Not a problem. Never have to worry about cancelling plans ever again? Sign-me-up!

Seventy-two hours in and it’s a whole different story. I have ordered 3 cases of wine, I’m beginning to reassess my choice of husband and kids and seriously if someone doesn’t own up to eating that last KitKat I am going to literally lose-my-sh*t!

So, if like me you are currently stuck at home (and if not – why not?!) I thought I’d just nudge my way into your inbox on a semi-regular basis with a few ideas/reminders and thoughts that might help you stay calm (and suck it up.)

Remember – Viruses aren’t the only thing that is contagious: Loo roll hoarding has reaffirmed this recently. Forget ‘Herd Immunity’, when it comes to us humans, it is definitely more a case of Herd Mentality. So, whilst we may believe we are in control of our thoughts and actions, studies have shown we tend to take our cues from the crowd. In his book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, psychologist Robert Cialdini writes, “Whether the question is what to do with an empty popcorn box in a movie theatre, how fast to drive on a certain stretch of highway, or how to eat the chicken at a dinner party, the actions of those around us will be important in defining the answer.” Social proof is our shortcut when it comes to deciding how to act.

In practice: Set a good example. Do your best to whinge, moan and scaremonger less (turning off news alerts is a good idea). Instead, try and spread love, happiness and help as liberally as you would butter on a crumpet. Did you know that a happy friend increases the likelihood of being happy by 9%, whilst an unhappy friend results in a 7% decrease. Which is good news, because it means happiness is more contagious than unhappiness. So, you can still be a stroppy cow 2% of the time and it won’t much matter.

Useful to know – Kindness is not just about helping others: As Martin Seligman (University professor/leading happiness expert) explains in his book, Flourish: ‘scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested’. Whilst I don’t imagine Martin and his crew of boffins tested out the lethal combo of wine and crisps, whilst watching Tiger King in the bath!, its safe to say doing stuff for other people makes us feel G-O-O-D.

In practice: My latest preference has been random acts of kindness to strangers* – paying for old people’s groceries, $10 tips for anyone who delivers me anything etc. And, I know, you are meant to just do this stuff without expecting anything in return – but bad luck – because it will make you feel A-W-E-S-O-M-E. And, I know, you aren’t meant to do nice stuff and then show off about it (like me), but if you were paying attention to point 1 (above) you would know that when people see others helping, they’re more likely to help – so there!

Don’t Forget – It’s okay to not be ok – I have talked about this before here, but now more than ever it is important to remember that, ‘Feelings are not necessarily good or bad. They are just the way that we are feeling at any given moment.’ And however scared, sad, confused or lonely (horny?) we might feel right now – that feeling will eventually move on. The good news is we are way more resilient and adaptable than we give ourselves credit for – I mean, c’mon – if you had told me a few weeks ago that I would be crossing the road to avoid people and rubbing myself into a hand sanitizer frenzy every time someone sneezed into their elbow, I would have said you were nutso. Not anymore! Look – We know that uncertainty scares the sh*t out of us and right now, yes – it seems as if the whole world is basically unsure about everything (When will this end? Are there enough masks? Why can’t I stop snacking?) and pretty much making it up as they go along (I, like Donald, certainly am) – so being not OK is a VERY normal way to be feeling. But, as a smart guy called Jack Nitschke explains, “Uncertainty lays the groundwork for anxiety because anxiety is always future-oriented,” so a good place to start is right here in the PRESENT.

In practice: It’s time to start living life like a well-behaved alcoholic, my friend. You know what that means – one day at a time. But, please try and avoid spending that time worrying – because the more we do something the better we get at it (piano, tennis, biting our tongue when they load the dishwasher wrong…). “If you’re going to spend six or seven hours a day worrying about the coronavirus, you’re going to be building up and strengthening neural connections that support this activity,” Nitschke explains. Instead, s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and take your time to notice what you are doing (having a shower, chopping carrots, sipping a vino) and what it feels like (relaxing, satisfying, fucking glorious). Try and be in this moment. Right NOW. Because in this moment you are (hopefully) safe in your home, loved by somebody and grateful for something (the vino…I am grateful for the vino).

And, even if today was more akin to a plateful of turd remember life always offers you a second chance, my friend. It’s called tomorrow.

This GET HAPPIER post was brought to you by someone who is here if you need me (you can find my email up top). And because in Australia we are (technically) already living in the future, I can hopefully reassure you that there are still shows to be watched (like this, this and this), reasons to smile (like this and also this), stuff that might inspire you (like this and this) and some obscenely good snacks to be eaten (like this and these – I know, right? You are welcome!)

*This initiative got off to a rocky start when I pulled over at a local bus stop (pre-covid) and asked if anyone wanted a lift to Bondi. The looks of confusion, fear and pity haunted me awkwardly all the way home.