With Friends Like These – Is It Time To Give Some Of Them The Push?

It is often said that ‘We are the Average of the 5 People we Spend the Most Time with’ – in which case I am a bit of a nutcase with a cracking sense of humour and a slight-to-moderate drinking problem. Thing is, it is –kinda– true. You don’t need to do deep therapy to know, that the people you choose to surround yourself with, are going to have a profound effect on the type of person you are.

Most of us know that we have a few rubbish friends.

The Non-Supporters, who are pretty devastated when you lose weight, get a raise or start a business that does really, really well.

The One-Siders, who will happily tell you all about their day, their life, their problems but couldn’t give the square root of fuck all about you.

The Users, who only call you when they need something.

The Drainers, who leave you emotionally wrung out like a soggy wet towel.

The Bad Behaviours – the ones that are always encouraging you to make bad choices (‘you should totally buy that/ditch him/eat more/skull that’).

The Used-to-Bes, who you used to be friends with because of high school or because your children were the same age or back when they used to be fun.

The Flakers, who you can only rely on calling back/showing up 20% of the time.

I am certainly not advocating you ditch the lot of them. The Flakers are often excellent company when they do, eventually, show up – which is why their flaking is so routinely tolerated. The Bad Behaviours are clearly not great for your health but Gosh! do they know how to have FUN and it is certainly true that, ‘No good story ever started with a salad’. Most of us have been guilty of being a Non-Supporter at some point, whether it be down to good old-fashioned jealousy or the whole, their-success-acting-as-a-mirror-for-our-own-failings, kind of a deal. However, the occasional friend cull can be healthy and probably explains why I can count most of mine on two hands.

That said, I am (at the risk of sounding like a total wanker) a collector of people. I am always on the look-out for the good ones. The ones that leave you feeling BETTER from having been in their company. The ones who manage to make you somehow SMARTER or FUNNIER or INSPIRED to do FABULOUS things. When it comes to relationships, both socially and professionally, punching above your own weight is highly recommended and can have a positive knock-on effect on your own quality of life.

Take Skiing for example. Fastest way to improve your skills on the slopes – bar shagging an instructor all season long (obviously) – is to ski with people who are better than you. Same goes for life – which is why the experts advise you should socialise with friends who are already where you want to be. Gary Vaynerchuk agrees with me. Between being wildly successful and making videos telling us how we can be, he says, ‘Who you hang out with is a huge deal.’ He suggests if we are looking to get ahead we should ‘Add one new winner friend and cut one loser friend’ even if they have ‘been your boy since the 4th grade’ because now ‘he just sits at home and smokes weed and plays 2k all day. You can only love him so much.’ Please note – this advice tends to sound a lot better in an American accent.

When it comes to getting ahead, Michael Dell (yup – computer dude) said, ‘Try never to be the smartest person in the room. And if you are, I suggest you invite smarter people ….or find a different room.’ This might be slightly more challenging if it’s your house, at your dinner party and you only have the one actual living room – but you can see the sentiment.

Look – It’s not rocket science. In fact, it’s probably not even regular science.

If you want to be financially successful don’t only hang around with broke people – if you do, you are never going to learn how non-broke people make it work. If you want to be fit and healthy, spend less time with the couch potatoes and more time with the runner beans. If you want to improve your relationship, keep an eye out for people in happy ones.

Aesop was right – a man is known by the company he keeps. So it’s worth checking occasionally that your company is earning its keep.

This Get Happier post is brought to you by just a girl, standing in front of a really cool person, asking them to like me.

Photo:  ‘All About Eve’ Warner Bros 1950 – Totally Bad Ass Film About Female Friendship and Jealousy to The Max. Image ‘in the Public Domain’.